Back On Track

The last two weeks have proven to be exceptionally difficult. My stress level at work was ridiculously high, and my nutrition was poor and I wasn't exercising. This combination produces a Fibromyalia DISASTER!!! We are talking SERIOUS pain. It wasn't fun. I was in tears two days last week from all the pain and stress. Then I had to quit my 17 mile run at mile 4. It was really hard for me to quit, but I had to listen to my body. It was the right thing to do.

I have now settled into the first week of school and I'm officially back on a schedule. I do well on a schedule so this is a great thing. I bring healthy food at work and I'm starting to fit in some exercise again. I've noticed my shoulder inflammation has gone down a little bit so I'm hoping it will continue to go down and I am on the path to feeling better.

I've done some damage the last week and it'll take some time to undo it, but I'm committed to doing so and I'm looking forward to continuing my journey. I am back on track-I am NOT giving up!!

Ouch

Today I went back to work, and it was an 11 hour day because I had a meeting after school and worked in my room a couple hours after that. About that time, I noticed severe inflammation in my right shoulder up to my neck. Here we go...Ugh. I knew the Fibro would start up again when I went back to work. I might need to consider working out in the morning so I can get my exercise in when my body is not inflamed. I'm going to aim for afternoon again tomorrow and see my body feels. I am not going to stay late tomorrow so my plan is to leave on time and go to the gym straight from work. I'm going to do my fibro stretches tonight and go to bed very early. Cross your fingers that I feel good tomorrow! Anytime a pain cycle starts, it's important to get in front of it with exercise because once you're in that much pain, it's really hard to exercise because you feel like your body can't take it.

I still feel okay about things. I knew this was coming and have been mentally preparing for it. Tomorrow is a new day with maybe not so bad pain. I have my weekly weigh-in in the morning! Should be interesting since I've been a total slacker. :/

Cancelled??

So I get my happy self up at 3:45am to mix the Gatorade for our group and am on my way out the door by 4 and I get the word on the road that the run is cancelled because of lightning. There are pros and cons to this. Obviously, going back to bed rocks. But I actually got sleep and was ready, and ended up completely wasting a 5 gallon jug of Gatorade. Oh how it pains me!!! I'm gonna set it up in the kitchen today for some to drink just because I feel so bad.

So this messes with our schedule. I made specific weekend plans based on long mileage since I usually feel sick and am down for the day after any run more than 15 miles. It almost would be better to get the run in tomorrow but I'm thinking that won't work for some so I'm curious to see how we are going to make it up.

So yeah-slept until almost 11 and it was glorious considering I only have two days left of freedom before going back to work. Sadds!!!

And I have been SUCH a slacker! I've done cardio once in two weeks. It stops today! Ok maybe tomorrow! I have got to get myself back on a cardio pattern so I don't stall on weight loss.

Must keep going, must keep going!!!!

Feeling Down...

So I have to be honest, I'm feeling rather down today. It was one of those days where nothing went my way, and I was simply not happy. I'm very stressed about going back to work, and I'm worried about how my Fibro is going to handle itself once I'm feeling stressed and tired all the time again. Fibromyalgia is manageable in a low stress environment that allows me to get 10 hrs of sleep a night plus naps every day, but in a high stress environment with little sleep, it's very painful. I'm also worried about the first week back, when we have training and sit all day for a week. Usually sitting in a chair for more than 3 hours will start a flare up, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. It's nights like this when I really start to resent my condition. I know that I'm strong and a fighter but sometimes I find myself asking, "Why me?" and wish to feel good every day like normal people. To live everyday without having to stretch your body out or to lay flat because you've been sitting too long. It just doesn't seem fair, I feel this every second of every day.

But then I think of those who are dying, and have lost the battle of life and I have to consider myself lucky. I hope to one day come to peace with my condition. So far I have been unsuccessful.

I am also frustrated with how slowly my body is changing. Yes I look different, yes I've dropped weight, but why does it have to be so hard?? I feel like I have to bust my ass every day just to have the hope of looking fantastic. And I still am nowhere near it.
Don't get me wrong, I know I'm great, but sometimes it feels impossible to live up to our present day society's perception of beauty. I wish that all women could love themselves and appreciate their own beauty without the destructiveness that lies in negative comparatives. Maybe one of these days...

I know it's just an off day. I usually feel pretty good about things and I will feel better tomorrow. Everything will somehow work itself out and I will journey on in this unpredictable maze of life.

Gearin' Up For Half #9

I am running the Hottest Half Marathon in the morning! Woo Hoo! I got the race shirt, it's fine...should be cool since it's white, and I'm excited about getting another medal. One more hole to fill on my new medal rack! YAY!

I know it's going to be tough-was absolutely horrible last year when I did it. BUT-if we get a breeze, that'll help. I also know the course well and it's pretty flat. AND-I am 25 lbs lighter than I was this time last year when I ran the race. I am really curious to see if I beat my time. I should. Last year's hottest half was by far my worst half marathon time so if I don't, I have issues.

I admit I've been a slacker the last couple of weeks. I've been doing a lot of stretching and low key stuff, but haven't been getting as many runs in as I should. I want to start fresh after this half and do my required 2 weekly runs in before the long run on Saturdays. On our team schedule, I have 17 miles next Saturday, but that after a 13 mile half? Not sure how that's gonna work. I guess we will see how much energy I have at that time.

Wish me luck! I will be SO happy when it's over!!!

Inspiration

I've been following the Olympics very closely and I must say, I am so inspired by some of these athletes. They all have a story, they all have been down in their training, but they all have the courage to break through it and persevere. I'm also very impressed by their focus. It was great timing for my current mental state.

I am about to go back to work, and it will be very easy for me to work out less and make poor nutrition choices, BUT I am recognizing that I will be tired, and I must plan for it. My goals have not changed so my behaviors cannot, either. I think a key for me is sleep. I need to be tired at night and go to bed early. I think the best routine for me is going to the gym right after work on my way home. It's done by 6pm and I can enjoy my night and go to bed early.

With Fibromyaliga, I am hurting frequently and am exceptionally tired all the time, so I need a plan that will set me up for success. I am not my disease. I am a fighter, and strong as hell and I WILL reach my goals. Just like those athletes, sometimes circumstance makes things hard, but the ones that have what it takes will break through it and will be stronger and better for it in the end. I always need to remember: being weak is a choice, but so is being strong.

15 miler

This morning, I completed 15 miles with the team. I've been worried about this run for awhile and my concern was more than justified. The first 9 miles were great, but miles 10-15 were pretty brutal. When the sun was beating down and my feet hurt and I was staring up at hills when feeling slightly nauseous, it really was mind over matter. Luckily I had my team with me to help me through it. When you spend so many hrs running with people, you get really close and I was thinking today how lucky I am to have some of best friends suffering beside me. I feel like we can get through anything if we are together.

I'm absolutely exhausted. That run took everything out of me today. I haven't been sleeping well so I'm hoping I will get significant rest tonight so I can be up bright and early for church.

I am SO ready for Fall. Once the temperature drops, runs become 10x easier and we all the sudden get faster. Then it's time for race mode. OOooh yeaahhh!!

Speaking of races, it's now time to start mentally preparing for this Sunday's Hottest Half Marathon. Yay for a race shirt and a medal!

I'm off to bed. Hoping for some deep sleep. Good night, dear readers.

Running In Heat

So this Saturday, I have a 15 miler in the dead summer heat. Hot long mileage is never fun, but I don't think I've gone more than 13 in this kind of heat before. Usually our mileage doesn't increase to this until about September, when the temperature starts going down again. Naturally, I am nervous. The first 9 miles should be fine. Some of it will be done in the dark. But it starts to get crazy hot around the time of an insanely steep incline in elevation from mile 10-13. In other words, very hard hills when it's the hottest and we're the most tired. SCARY!!!
I love our team and we have a great group of conversationalists, so usually we make the best of it and try to have some fun. I do like the 15 mile course (minus the hills, of course) because a lot of it is around White Rock Lake. I will be one happy girl when this 15 miler is over. Then we will have 2 weeks before the next long 17 miler! Ahh we're gonna die!!!!

Anytime I start to get scared or feel weak, I think of my favorite motto: